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By my early twenties, I thought I knew what I wanted. I wanted somebody to love me. Not use me, leave me, hurt me. Just love me. The problem was that I had absolutely no idea how to receive it. By then, relationships had become another form of pain management. Being pursued gave me an intoxicating sense of value. If a man wanted me, for a little while I could believe I mattered. When that feeling disappeared, I needed it again. I became very good at attracting men. I was attr