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I Looked Like I Was Coping. I Wasn't

At seventeen, I moved to Harare to attend college. For the first time in my life, I had real freedom. I was away from home, living in a girls' hostel in the city, surrounded by people my own age and able to make my own decisions. Unfortunately, I wasn't remotely equipped to make them. By then, bulimia already had a firm grip on my life. At home there had at least been some boundaries around me. Dad knew about the bulimia and would try to stop me disappearing to the bathroom a

6 days ago4 min read

Everything I called survival was slowly becoming my prison.

If you had met me as a teenager, you probably wouldn't have recognised how much I was struggling. Like many young people in the 1980s, I laughed with my friends, obsessed over fashion, bleached my hair far more than was sensible, smoked cigarettes, fell in and out of relationships and tried to look as though life was unfolding exactly as it should. From the outside, I looked like I was simply growing up. The truth was very different. By then, bulimia had become part of my dai

Aug 133 min read

When You Don't Know Who You Are, You Simply Do the Next Thing

There are moments in life that only make sense when you look back. At the time, they simply feel confusing. When I left boarding school and returned home, I felt as though I had stepped into someone else's life. I missed the friendships that had surrounded me every day and suddenly found myself trying to settle back into family life with parents who loved me deeply but didn't always understand me. My father was gentle but rarely spoke. My mother loved me fiercely and wanted t

Jul 213 min read

The Little Girl Who Saw Things She Couldn't Explain

There is one part of my childhood that I have returned to more times than any other while writing this book. Not because it frightens me now but because I have often wondered what life must have looked like through the eyes of that little girl. For as long as I can remember, strange images would come into my mind as I was going to sleep. They were not dreams because I was still awake. Night after night, I would see twisted faces, wolf-like creatures and men whose faces change

Jul 23 min read

I Still See the Same Memories. I Simply Understand Them Differently Now.

There are moments from my childhood that I can still see as clearly as if they happened yesterday. Some of them are full of warmth. I remember a home where I felt safe. I remember reading books under a tree at school while I waited for my brother. I remember bringing friends home because I was proud of where I lived. I remember parents who loved me and did their very best for me. Those memories are just as real today as they were then. But there are other memories that stayed

Jun 263 min read

Why Do Some Children Feel Different From the Beginning?

As a child, I often felt different, but I couldn't explain why. Not better. Not worse. Just different. I was not unhappy. In many ways, I had a safe and loving childhood. I had parents who cared for me, a comfortable home, and a life free from much of the chaos many children experience. Yet somewhere beneath the surface, I always felt slightly out of step with the world around me. I never seemed to need large groups of friends. In fact, I often preferred my own company. While

Jun 122 min read

Bulimia Was Never About Food

Performance Pressure Another Hidden Addiction People often assume eating disorders are about appearance. Fo me, it went far deeper than that. Food became emotional relief. Control became emotional safety. And bulimia became a way of coping with feelings I did not understand and could not regulate. Looking back now, I can see the early seeds long before I had language for any of it. I had already begun dieting around the age of eleven or twelve. What started as “healthy contro

May 283 min read

How Validation Became My Addiction Before Alcohol Ever Did

The Addiction No One Saw Long before alcohol entered my life, I was already addicted. Not to substances. Not to attention itself. But to what attention made me feel about myself. Seen. Wanted. Valuable. I was only twelve years old when I began learning that being attractive could change how people treated me. Almost overnight, I went from being an unnoticed little girl to receiving approval, compliments, attention, and admiration. And although it felt exciting at the time, so

May 163 min read

Do You Have to Keep Choosing Trust

Or is it something that can finally settle in your soul? The answer is both. There are moments where I actively choose to trust God. Not because it feels natural, but because it is the only anchor I have. And then there are moments where trust is no longer a decision I am forcing it has settled so deeply within me that it holds me, even when everything else feels uncertain. But that kind of trust is not formed in ease.It is formed in moments that don’t make sense. I remember

May 63 min read

You Think God Has Gone Silent

There is a particular kind of ache that comes when you are doing everything you know how to do, and nothing seems to be shifting. You are praying. You are reading. You are journaling honestly. You are showing up in church, in community, in your quiet times. You are not avoiding God. In fact, you are reaching for Him. And still, there is silence. Or at least that is what it feels like. WALKING ALONE IN THE DESERT After twenty-five years of sitting across from Christians who lo

Apr 172 min read

Discovering Life Giving Connections

Life Giving People Here’s a truth we often forget. Life isn’t just about giving. It’s also about receiving. And to receive fully, you have to fight for yourself . Too often, we give endlessly to please demanding parents, bosses, peers, or friends who don’t respect our boundaries. We try to earn love or approval, suppressing our needs and feelings. But here’s the thing, you were made to live with a peaceful heart, not a heart on constant alert . Thomas Merton says it best: “We

Oct 31, 20253 min read